2007-05-27

Aries (March 21-April 20)

You’ve been busy building yourself a cozy little philosophy. You think you’ve got some valuable insight and you’ve decided to start spreading the word. You’ve been spending some major hours writing it all down. You might get it published, but your yearning to break out of your mundane existence may not be enough to sustain you in the face of criticism which is sure to follow. Don’t buy any property after June 15 and be really, really careful about digging up the past with your siblings and parents.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Your investigation will turn over some pretty ugly rocks. Your first instinct will be to back off and with Saturn in your fourth house you will pay more attention to your home life. You may find yourself psychoanalyzing everything and everyone. You lose courage and become frustrated with your entire life. Feelings of loneliness, lack of support, distance from your family keep growing like the St Helens lava dome and like it there is a seething, hot, sulfurous lake of fire in the core of your being deep beneath the surface. June 1st through 11th is a strong period for finance.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

My aren’t we popular! Everything is going your way. If you are a lawyer, there isn’t a case you can’t win. Your spouse adores you, your children idolize you. Everyone feels warm and fuzzy in your presence. Enjoy it while it lasts, but don’t get too comfortable. I mean, why would you? Why would anyone get comfortable in this miserable world? You can just count on things going bad even if there isn’t a hint of it on the horizon.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Well it is about time that other people started noticing what a hotshot you are! Your ability to plow a straight furrow, to see the trees in the forest and the forest and all your best traits are now being recognized by others. Your health is improving since you got that gall bladder removed and you stopped drinking Coca-Cola. I mean, just how much of that crap were you putting away? Now is a good time to hire on your summer work crew. I’m seeing you becoming more confident and that’s going to work for you. Mercury retrogrades over your ascendant on June 15 and you could accidentally misrepresent yourself–afterwards, you will realize that you don’t really have to send away to the Philippines for a bride.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Saturn is still hanging out in Leo and it is helping you to come to grips with global warming and your own limitations/capabilities where change is concerned. Recognizing your responsibility is the first step to making a difference–be the change you want to see. Your partner will see you in a different light and may find you strict or critical and you might be pushing a little hard. You are not quite sure what you want from others as you explore your role in the universe.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

June is going to be one of those months where everyone you know turns to you for advice. You will become very committed to your chosen profession and will take advantage of the opportunity to gain additional training inspite of your solemn oath against flying. You will spend some time weighing the benefits versus the moral and environmental costs. An acquaintance obsessed with chem trails will be the straw that sends you to Boise to catch that flight to San Francisco. No hair-brained goof-ball is going to influence you!

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Though you have an uncanny ability to understand quantum physics and neurological synaptic influences & explain them so others are not completely confused, a misunderstanding involving your coworkers arises on the 19th of June and you are tempted to quit your job and move to Martinique and live on the slopes of Pele. You might want to rethink that. Remember how much fun you’ve had teaching at Wilbur High and let go of the need to be perfect. You’re a Libra, find a little balance.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You are going to be a little stupid this month spending money you don’t have on pedicures, manicures, and a body wax, buying patio furniture and a blender at that sale in Bend only to find out that you could have gotten the damn thing a lot cheaper at the hardware in town. As if that is not bad enough, you will fall madly in love with a cowboy from Maupin and become so distracted that your work suffers and you are passed over for that promotion and raise you expected. Still your smug satisfaction couldn’t be more secure. After the 15th be aware that your most intimate conversations might not be so confidential.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You will become aware that you are your own worst enemy and will learn to overcome self-doubt. This is a great time for you to buy that Percheron stud and start building your herd. Just try not to alienate your children, especially the little one. He’s pretty proud of you and you don’t want that to change. You will likely find your relationship with your spouse is more stimulating this month now that you’ve been spending more time together and you learned you don’t have to be right all the time.

Capricorn (Dec.22-Jan. 19)

That senior casino tour coming up will be an opportunity for you to get out of town right now when you are getting a little too close to the fire. Chances are good that you will finally meet someone you who will become a good friend or possibly even a lover. Some of your fears are compulsive and have led you to believe in things that really aren’t true. You have done some things you regret, or would regret if only you could recognize how terribly wrong you were even though you thought you were fighting for your survival. Be careful whom you confide in after the 15th.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You are no longing approaching middle age, you are there. You’ve been mulling over your life for a couple years now. It is time to take action and make some decisions. I’m just going to lay it out for you–late night TV infomercials aren’t going to make you rich and the Hair Club isn’t a social opportunity. If you want to meet someone, you’re going to have to get out of the house. Help is available.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

It is the old Puritan work ethic that nose to the grindstone is a virtue. Could be, but not if you lose everything else. LIft up your head and look around you. Take a trip. Don’t be afraid to set aside a lot of time to be creative. You are very talented and this year you could get the break you’ve been working toward. You will meet some folks up at the woo-woo camp who will become good friends. Just keep your head on your shoulders and enjoy the ride. 

 If Your Birthday Is in June:

You’re birthday keeps getting ignored what with graduations and weddings constantly taking the spotlight away from you. But when life hands you sour grapes, you make bad wine. There is a definite pessimistic streak running through you. Nevertheless, you keep going for the gusto, reaching for the prize, prizing the moment, seizing the day, climbing the mountain…ad mausoleum or linoleum.